Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
