barbara walters just said penis...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
