Whod you bang
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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