I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
