Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
