Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
