I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize