I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
