I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
