is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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