I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
