Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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