I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
