3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
