90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
