i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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