my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
