I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
