He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
