I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
