I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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