meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
