Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
