Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
