Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
