From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize