Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
