so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
