And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
