made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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