Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There are leaves in my underwear?
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