So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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