Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
