My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
