Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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