He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
