my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
