hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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