I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
