Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
