I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
