She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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