You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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