Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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