well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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