maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
