The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
