i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize