She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
