I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
