Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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