It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
