so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
