it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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