If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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