fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
