who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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