I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The power of my boobs compel you
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