If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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