i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
