based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
