you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh god the rape fog is back!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize