Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
