I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A+ Viking dick
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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