If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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