I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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