He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
